Too sick to knit

It never dawned on me that this would ever happen.

I knit on the back of a motorcycle, on my lunch break and even in bed. I will not knit it the tub. Although, I was almost tempted once. Once.

This last week I got too sick.

I sat at Books and flipped through a catalog. I have no desire to knit.

There I was surrounded by my friends and was FINALLY at Books and I didn’t care to knit.

It wasn’t the project. I had two with me. It wasn’t the witty chatter that kept me listening instead. No, I was just too sick.

I felt bad. I hurt and I didn’t want to move.

There is fear here too. I reflect on my dad. He had planned a get away with a lady. Instead of love in the air he had come home with a stomach problem that turned out to be cancer.

I am having difficulty swallowing. Soup seems to be good now. It wasn’t on Saturday.

I can manage to get things down now if I go slowly, if I avoid cold. A piece of cake sent the worst pain across my chest and down my right arm. Since when does swallowing cause pain in my arm?

I had once envisioned the scenario of my having cancer. I would be the cheerful little thing with stylish caps gaily knitting same for others. I would take advantage of my perspective to knit more tits and premi sweaters.

I am afraid. I don’t want to be the morose little soul who sits and stares. I don’t think that this is all that serious. I don’t think. I feel like it’s getting better. I don’t want to be too sick to knit. I want to always have the comfort of the click of my needles. I want to feel the rhythm of the work. I want to see it as it grows, to look at it and gauge how long I have to go how long has it been. I took great care long ago to learn to feel my way along a row of knitting. I was concerned at the time that if I lost my site I would still be able to knit. I went back and relearned it for purling and a couple of other stitches.

I am afraid. I do not ever ever ever want to be too sick to knit.