The knitting magazine is such a funny little thing. Like a favorite piece of jewelry or a great bit of cinema it can be cherished for decades to come. And just like those things it can make you crazy. As when your favorite bracelet snags the crap out of your favorite shawl or the movie you love every last moment of has the hideously misquoted line. There are times when beloved things make you want to scream.
I know I love them. Knitting magazines. Do not get me wrong. I have referred to them as the healthy replacement for cigars and a suitable distraction from thoughts of sex. Divorced remember? Like sex it can get down right frustrating. If not completely discouraging.
Today’s magazines are written for knitters of all ages. I get that. I know I have been knitting since shortly after Mrs. Noah got off the ark and told himself she needed to shear the sheep if he wanted new unders.
They have machine knitting directions. (Insert cold spinal shiver here along with the appropriate cringe).
The articles about the books are handy some times, although personally I prefer to go to a book store find the book, look through it, hold it my hand and see if it generates enough drool before I actually buy it. At which point I will return to the office next Monday and look for it on Ebay.
I actually get the magazines for the patterns.
The patterns are “free”. Well you pay for them when you get the book. Some of those are well written little bits of lust. I read them several times. Perhaps for a couple of months until I feel I have the whole thing in my head. I look through the stash to see if there is a yarn worthy of the pattern in mind. I select it or them (the whole make your own yarn thing).
Other patterns are silly. If you don’t know how to knit a scarf at my stage of the game: give up and go home!
The photos for some are sooo enticing. They look so great on the models. Look good on me or anyone I knit for? Get real! Well maybe Don’s size 00 daughter or my granddaughter Sophie.
And then.
Then there are the ones that must have been proofed by the editor’s third grader or pet chimp. I dare not hazard a guess as to which one. They make no sense. There are parts that are missing and/or just plain grammatically improper. The resulting shawl will look great as a teapot cozy and the sweater that it is supposed to be will look dandy on the cat.
OR, THERE ARE CHARTS.
I do not do charts. I am not talking about Fair Isle or Intarsia charts. I am referring to the stitch charts. I learned with good old EZ (Elizabeth Zimmerman) when she was still printing fresh work in the newspaper.
You are creating a piece of fabric when you knit. You are merely saving yourself the need to cut it out and sew it together. Yes I am a top down knitter if there ever was one. I even have figured out modifying patterns so as to eliminate piecing.
Somewhere out there between EZ and now some fool started making charts. The knitter is relegated to playing follow the bouncing ball. They are also pretty much left to learning to frog it or throwing out expensive yarn and logging wasted time. I quit one knitter’s page in disgust when the third woman posted crying over the $9 a skein yarn she had thrown away because she had botched the chart.
I must simply rebel at the notion that knitting is becoming a lockstep institution.
Where are you E. Z.?
Where are those practical folks who look at a photo and say I want to knit that?
I once carried a picture of a picture of Elvis on my phone for over a year because I wanted to keep the pattern of the sweater he was wearing in the picture so I could replicate it. My best gal pal has recorded bits of shows we were watching so we could get a better look and the knitwear on the actors.
Are there anymore like us? Is anyone out there still knitting the EZ way?
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